Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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