i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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