I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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