halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
