You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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