I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
