dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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