i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
