I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
as a side note pls kill me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
