He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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