I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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