Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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