Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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