I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
