just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
