i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
