btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
