dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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