yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My Sexting was not on an AP level
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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