i jhust puked up my retainher.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
