My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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