Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just found puke in my bra..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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