i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
