so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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