I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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