I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Houston, we have a blender
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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