That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
