I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she looked like the before picture.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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