so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
