girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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