Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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