I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
