K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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