I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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