Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
