I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
