About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
