Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
