I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize