now i know why i became what i already was.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
