he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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