OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
