He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
try to milk me bitch
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