i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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