yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
