garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
