I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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