Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
