so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
