It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
this will be a night to untag.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
