I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
