Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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