Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
