my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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