I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
