i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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