If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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