I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
