Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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