Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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