Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your shirt... Was in my pants
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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