omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
