I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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