do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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