I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
