i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
