I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
