I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
