I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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